Hey Readers, it’s Alice here for another blog.
So, if you’ve read my last post you’ll know I’ve been feeling quite down, especially recently. Anyway, that isn’t what this post is about, it’s about ‘what I think’, and if you like it, maybe I’ll make it into a little series??
On with the blog:
My thoughts and moods recently have led to me being withdrawn, quiet and less sociable than usual (which, let’s be real, isn’t very sociable anyway). This has meant I’ve spent a lot of time in my head, almost unable to get away from my thoughts.
And yeah, some of the thoughts haven’t been so great, but like I said, that’s not what this is about. Those thoughts have made me realise some things, and that is good.
Pretty soon, April and I have some big decisions to make, that will potentially determine what we end up doing for the rest of our lives (logical, to make teenagers decide these things, I know). People have tried to help, and they’ve said how the choices really aren’t super important and I should choose what I enjoy, that I don’t need to worry about the future for now. I believe them, and understand the points they are making, but it’s still a hugely important decision for here and now, and it will influence what I do for the foreseeable future.
I don’t know what I’m going to choose (these are subject choices by the way for exams that will determine careers / university) and that terrifies me, as I have around a month, maybe even less, to make up my mind. And, on top of that stress, this year is also an important exam year, so there’s more pressure from that too.
Anyway, there’s the context, and here’s what I think:
All the time I’ve spent getting stressed and emotional and withdrawn and the like, has made me realise that I cannot do something just for the sake of it. The next years of my education will be for the most part, self driven and self motivated, so it’s important that I do things I want to do, and things I’ll enjoy. I’ve had no time to do the things I enjoy, and hardly done anything other than work. This is not good, and it is not healthy.
Sometimes, you have to know when to stop, and you have to leave things for the night, because if you just keep pushing and pushing, eventually you’ll fall over the edge and make things so, so much worse for yourself.
It might seem impossible, but if you’re anything like me and literally drowning in the sheer amount of stuff you have to do, too awkward, stressed and scared to miss a deadline or ask for help, please do. Just talk to someone, a teacher, a friend, a parent. If you can’t do the work, for goodness sake, ask for help instead of sitting at your desk and crying.
Yes, this first half term back at school has been as emotional, stressful, tiring and trying as it possibly could have been, and I didn’t deal with it in the right way at all, but I still got through. You need to make time for yourself, give yourself time to relax and actually enjoy your childhood (teenhood?) for once. This constant standing on the edge of disaster is not who I am, it’s not who I want to be, plus I can’t imagine it’s who you would want to be either.
So, what I think is that you shouldn’t let stress define you. You shouldn’t let work take over, and you should do things that you enjoy! I still have no idea who I am, who I want to be, or what decisions I will make when the time comes, but I know that I can’t keep going on the way I am without everything giving way beneath me. I’m going to make changes; I need to make changes. Yes, this time of my life is important for school, but it’s also important for spending time with friends and family and making memories. I don’t want to look back on my life and see myself as someone who never stepped out of their comfort zone, always put work ahead of happiness and only focused on school. No. I want to look back on this time as amazing. I am a teenager, and there is so much out there that I have yet to experience, and I’m not going to let my thoughts get in the way of that.
(thank you so much for reading, literally each and every view on here makes my day a little brighter. i’m always here to talk, as a friend or whatever, just send a dm to writeaweek on Instagram and one of us will reply as soon as we see the message (address it to one of us in particular if you want) hope you’re all doing okay and feeling good, bye!)