Hello random reader, Alice here.
I’ve been ridiculously inactive and have no excuse whatsoever, so would like to apologise for that and thank April for keeping on going without me.
I’ve just read her most recent blog post, ‘confidence.’, which you should definitely read if you haven’t done already. It struck a chord with me, and really got me thinking.
I’ve known April for nearly nine years now, so confidence is not an issue for me (and hopefully not her either) when the two of us are together. We can be ourselves (generally rather odd, no offence, April) and everything is fine. I never worry about what she’ll think of me, or whether or not I can tell her something, knowing 100% that she will have my back.
With other people however, I am very different. April and I have a close knit friendship group, and most of the time with them, I’m completely fine and we can all have a good time. It’s when I’m with people who I don’t necessarily know as well that things change.
I’ve had rather a lot of very different ‘best’ friends in my life, but April is the only one who has really stuck around. With other people, as we’ve matured and gotten older, we’ve drifted apart, had an argument, or in one case, the other person just started blanking me one day. Maybe this is why I would consider myself socially awkward. Maybe it’s genetics. I have no idea, but around even the people who I once spoke to every day, when I find myself in a situation where I should talk to them, I get stupidly scared.
I know that some people find social situations so much than I do, but the confident, bubbly child that I once was is no longer recognisable unless you are very close to me.
I’m not that sure where I’m going with this post, and am writing it fairly late at night, so have no idea of its quality, but I feel as though there are some things I could share, on the off chance that it may help me, or even someone reading this.
Now, I am 15 years old and feel as though my lack of confidence is holding me back. I want to accomplish things in my life, and have ambitions, but know that I will never get anything done if I can’t pluck up the courage to take the plunge and try new things.
I’m writing a story at the moment (a book?!) and through the main character, Michael, I seem to be learning a lot about myself. For me, writing is a hobby and a release. Whenever I sit down and tell myself: ‘right, I’m going to do some writing now’, as soon as I am done, I feel like I could take on the world.
Other members of my family are practically oozing with confidence, and even as I know that some of the time it is an act, I do wish that I could have a little of their natural charm.
School is just around the corner, and this year I want to take more risks and do things that I want to do, for me and nobody else. One of my other friends has been talking about ‘reinventing herself’ for the beginning of the term in attempt to make more friends. Although I will stick by her with whatever she does, it makes me a little sad that she thinks that she has to change herself in order to become more popular.
Popularity for me is not a big deal. I once was fairly popular, but now I am not. I’m not bothered. At our school, there are lots of friendship groups, not just a single ladder or hierarchy. Although my group isn’t at the top, being with the friends I have gives me the confidence I otherwise lack and makes me happy.
Of course, I have off days – who doesn’t? Sometimes (quite often) I wish that I could go effortlessly into any situation and get on just fine without so much as blinking. That would be great, yes, but I have amazing friends and I know that some of them will stick by me forever.
I want to try out acting, I want to keep blogging, I want to try radio (April, what do you think?!) I want to keep writing, one day (maybe) I want to try YouTube. However, most importantly, I want to stay with the people who make me laugh on a regular basis but who I could also trust with anything serious.
I’m not the most confident person in the world. I reherse saying ‘good morning’ as I’m walking towards someone in a corridor and kick myself afterwards for sounding like an idiot. Confidence is not something I have in an abundance, but it is something that I really, really want to work on.
Thanks to April for the inspiration for writing this post, and thanks to anyone who stuck around until the end. Writing on here is such a brilliant thing to do, so thank you so much to everyone who supports us.
Feel free to send us a message on Instagram (@writeaweek), or on any other forms of social media and online things we have set up, if you just want someone to talk to or maybe to tell us about your own confidence. It means the world to us when someone likes what we do.
Thank you again, and good luck for whatever your future holds.